my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
