now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
