So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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