I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This is classic penis vs brain.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
