U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't put those talents on a resume
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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