My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
