State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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