It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
