Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
