guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
