Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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