I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I need to calm my uterus...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
