Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she pinky promised me she was 18
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
