I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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