I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize