Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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