take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
