I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
