I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
