Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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