If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
