The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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