I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
