Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
