It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
