Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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