from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
