is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
