:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
