he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
