If i come over, it means nothing
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
