unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
