Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
