I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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