Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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