Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
