Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
