Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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