it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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