I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
