This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You can't special order awesome
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
