I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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