Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
