I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
