I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize