so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This is the high leading the old right now
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize