That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize