Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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