Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
