so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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