I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize