I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
