I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
