Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
