Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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