I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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