At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
