U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
