I'm lost and stupid without you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
