Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He passed out mid-signature
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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