I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
