I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
