this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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