I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
only you would photoshop your dick
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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