Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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