New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
