Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
