I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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