What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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