P.S. I can't hear my feet
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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