i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
