well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
