I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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